O is for Openness
Open Connection and Compassion Through Transparent Communication
When a child is born, they come into this world with no thoughts of suppressing themselves.
They don’t hide, shut people out, and certainly don’t keep secrets.
A child’s heart is wide open to the world, and their honesty is as natural as breathing.
They express their emotions freely, without the filters we as adults build over time.
For the last 9 months, I have seen this in my granddaughter as she expresses herself more openly than any other human I know. This is the most authentic way to be and what we must teach our children.
Somewhere along the way, we teach them to close off. We teach them to suppress their feelings, hide parts of themselves, and censor their emotions in ways that don’t serve them. Many parents unknowingly teach emotional suppression by reacting with judgment, punishing emotional expression, creating restrictive environments, enforcing perfectionism, and avoiding conflict, which all lead children to hide their true feelings. They learn to avoid conflict, guard their hearts, and wear masks to fit in. But a parent who practices openness permits his children to return to that state of authenticity.
A child’s emotional guidance system is strong when they’re young. They rely on their instincts and feelings, but over time, we condition them to suppress those feelings. They start to second-guess themselves, to fear rejection, and to hold back. This is where the role of a father becomes crucial.
Instead of reacting when things go wrong, I ask myself, “What’s going on here? Why are they acting this way?” I don’t jump to conclusions or assume they’re being defiant.
I get curious about their emotions, their struggles, and what’s really happening beneath the surface.
This isn’t just about being “nice” or “understanding.” It’s about being real, open, and engaging without your ego, teaching them that showing up as their true selves is okay.
When I apologize or talk about my struggles, my kids see that failure isn’t something to fear; it’s an opportunity to learn, grow, and stay connected.
A father who closes off, hides his own struggles, and can’t show vulnerability teaches his kids that honesty and openness are weaknesses. Kids learn that strength means silence, that emotions should be buried, and that asking for help is a sign of failure. Over time, this creates a child who struggles to communicate their needs, fears rejection and avoids emotional depth in relationships.
They become guarded, afraid to open up, and disconnected from their own feelings. Instead of seeing honesty as a tool for connection and growth, they see it as a weakness that can be used against them.
This emotional armor becomes their default state, making it difficult to recognize, let alone express, what they truly feel. They may appear independent or self-sufficient, but beneath the surface, there’s a deep sense of loneliness and disconnection, not just from others but from themselves. Instead of using honesty to build meaningful relationships, they see it as a vulnerability to be avoided, reinforcing a cycle of isolation and emotional suppression.
If you want your kids to trust their voice and be confident in who they are, you need to be the example of that openness.
It’s not enough to tell them, “Just be yourself.” You have to show them that it’s okay to be real. In my home, I don’t pretend to have all the answers.
If I want my kids to be honest, I have to be honest.
If I make a mistake, I have to own it.
If I overreact, I have to apologize.
If I’m struggling, I have to talk about it.
As a parent, your most important job isn’t just raising your kids; it’s constantly learning, evolving, and improving yourself in the process.
It’s not easy, and you will screw up. Your kids will push back, and there will be moments when they resent you and times when you fear you’ve completely failed them. But that’s exactly why we do the work. Parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about growth, yours and theirs.
My kids aren’t perfect, and neither am I.
But as I continue to repair and rebuild myself, I know they’ll go further than I can even imagine.
Your kids are watching, so start leading by example.
If you want them to trust their voices, instincts, and emotions, you need to show them how to do it first.
- Anthony
You Must Be Open to Parenting Peacefully
As a dedicated parent who’s experienced both the trials and triumphs of raising children, I believe that openness is the cornerstone of peaceful parenting. Anthony believes the same, and that’s why we’ve remained connected to our children well into the years when we were told they would “hate us.”
At no point is it normal for your children to hate you; if your fellow parents or friends tell you that, you need to raise the standard of your social circle.
In my experience, creating an environment where honesty and vulnerability are accepted and not exploited nurtures your child’s emotional growth. It builds a family dynamic rooted in trust and mutual respect.
The Power of Openness in Parenting
Openness in parenting goes far beyond simply sharing daily thoughts. It’s about creating a safe space where every family member feels heard and valued. When we lead openly, we invite our children to express their feelings freely, ask questions, and even share their doubts without fear of judgment. This practice lays the groundwork for empathy and effective conflict resolution—two critical elements in peaceful parenting.
Building Trust Through Transparent Communication
One of the most transformative aspects of openness is its ability to build trust.
Trust isn’t just given; it’s earned through consistent, honest dialogue.
I’ve learned that being upfront about my own challenges and emotions humanizes me in my children's eyes and encourages them to be equally genuine. This mutual transparency fosters a bond that can weather even the most turbulent moments.
Don’t be afraid to discuss your experiences and mistakes.
People told me I shouldn’t talk to my children about choosing to remove alcohol from my life. I disregarded this advice and chose to be honest with my actions. The result was having two children who saw their father sober and understood that not everything celebrated and promoted by society is good.
Let your children see that learning is a lifelong process.
When your child feels genuinely heard, it reinforces their sense of self-worth. This reinforces that openness is not only accepted but celebrated.
Turning Challenges into Opportunities
Peaceful parenting doesn’t mean avoiding conflicts; it means approaching them as opportunities for growth.
When disagreements arise, use them to explore feelings, motives, and perspectives.
Open discussions about what went wrong and, more importantly, why it went wrong can help your child understand that mistakes are not failures but lessons in resilience and problem-solving.
For example, if your child feels upset about a perceived injustice at school, take the time to talk through their emotions. Ask gentle questions to help them articulate their feelings and guide them toward constructive solutions. This diffuses immediate tension and equips them with valuable life skills.
Cultivate a Culture of Compassion
Openness creates a ripple effect, influencing the parent-child relationship and the entire family dynamic.
When every family member feels safe sharing and being heard, a culture of compassion naturally blossoms; this environment nurtures emotional intelligence, helping children become empathetic, resilient, and confident adults who can handle life’s challenges.
When we embrace openness, we are not merely practicing a parenting style but creating a legacy of understanding and empathy.
Peaceful parenting is an ongoing journey that thrives on our willingness to be vulnerable, listen, and learn from one another. Opening our hearts and minds unlocks a pathway to deeper connection and a more connected and satisfying family life.
Every conversation is an opportunity to teach, learn, and create a future built on the sturdy foundation of openness.
- Zac Small